Confessions of a Proto-Typical Non-Conformist...

Call Me A Safe Bet, I'm Betting I'm Not...

2006-07-11T00:36:00.000+01:00

I'm ever so post-modern.
You'll find me in empty corners of nightclubs
Shrouded in smoke & tasting of liquor
Writing poetry in text messages
Never meant to be sent.
I'd give you a reading
But I'm afraid you'd guess the ending.
I just needed to find a way
To get rid of all these words
That I'm dying to say to you.
They include;
"love"
"hurt"
"honesty"
&
"goodbye".
We've said the last too many times.
And the first, too few.
I sometimes lie awake at night
Wondering if you ever do the same.
But we both know
You're sleeping in.
This will probably reduced
To photo's in scrapbooks
And after-dinner stories.
Anything romantiscised is bound to dissapoint.
I think I've always been dissapointed.
But thats just your way.
And I love it so.

I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised.

Minutes Call For Longer, Fingerprints Show Loss Of Blood

2006-05-30T23:14:00.000+01:00

Can you hear me over the sound of sirens?
There's something I've been meaning to say
But the words keep getting lost in the breeze.
The sky is turning the colour that says
It's morning soon.
This will all be forgotten.
How does it feel
To be overdressed
When no-one's impressed?
You spend nights, searching for a message in a bottle
But all you find are slurred words.
I cannot claim innocence.
My best friends are reflexive surfaces.
I've seen myself from every angle.
I have yet to find fault.
I have yet to find favour.
Oh doctor,
Give me a prescription to limit my descriptions
I fear they're becoming too real.

They smile just to be safe.
Making sure nobody saw
Two dancing girls with their grins
Painted on.

Here's A Story For The Kids...

2006-05-14T22:08:00.000+01:00

Where do you call home?
I said "Let's cross that bridge when we come to it"
But we both know it burnt down long ago.
We're dancing in the flames.
The heat of the moment.
I can still smell the smoke in your hair.
Do you believe me when I say that I'll miss you?
I'll dig this quill into my veins
And write you something from the heart.
It's a start.
I imagine your lipstick littering collars.
The calling-card of disregard.
We're too young for this.
We still make wishes on eyelashes
And hope that the stories were true.
But girl, we're old enough to know better.
The future's coming up so fast
That no sooner is it present
It's becoming the past.
You'll find me living in yesterdays.

And baby don't follow their lead.
'Cos you never know
Just how the story ends,
Or how the story goes.

The Night Came Down And Swept Us Away

2006-05-10T23:41:00.000+01:00

Lover, it's been too long.
All my best ideas happen when I'm so far away.
Walk the streets of this town.
Every worn down paving stone has once been a pedestal
For somebodies minature epiphany.
A diet moment of enlightenment.
Gone as soon as it arrives.
If I had the energy or the ink
I'd make a point of writing them all down.
Take a closer look.
Underneath a thousand footsteps.
A tiny quotation, from someone who didn't want to forget.
"Give love a chance."
A moment of clarity commemorated for nobody to see.
The fabric of our city is made up of these.
If we could look inside our walls, who knows what we'd find?
I traced your fingerprints back to the start.
You just couldn't find anything worth holding onto.
Every brick wall screams to me like a blank canvas
Begging for identity.
"My words are bulletproof"
I find that you can spend a lifetime praying for the sun
But the moment it comes, you wish the rainclouds would return.
I find myself filling my life with emptiness.
And loving it.
I don't have a sunset in my veins.
I have the night sky flowing through me.
So you can cut me
And I will bleed starlight.
Next time you are walking alone
Take notice of your surroundings.
You might just find somebodies moment.
"I am your last chance!"
Or you might find your own.

Sleep with all the lights on
Bearing your mattress
Bearing your soul.

Are You Perspiring From The Irony?

2006-05-04T14:38:00.000+01:00

Enough is enough.

I can only cloud my intentions for so long.
And from where I'm sat
There isn't a cloud in the sky.
So where have I been?
Well, with as few poetic nuances as possible...
I saw Paramore on thursday.
More importantly I saw Hayley on thursday.
She really is a little sweetheart.
But no, she didn't fall in love with me, as planned.
But all we have are fleeting moments, anyway.
And I got mine.
Give It A Name made up the weekend.
And you really can't spend too much time with Jacky B.
Cool kid.
For anyone interested, bored, or any other fitting adjective
You can read my thoughts here in unabridged form, before the BBC get it.
My life is full of exclusives and you-heard-it-hear-firsts.
Top of the gossip column this week?
That would be telling.
I'm my own worst editor.
For anyone reading this
I promise more blossoming text
For you to lose yourselves in.
My life isn't really that interesting
Until I throw in a thesaurus.

The poshest scarf, on the warmest day.
"It's enough to make you give up" she said.
I know, I know
I know.
It shows.

Through The Window You Tasted Much Sweeter...

2006-05-02T00:47:00.000+01:00

I can't find the prose
That truely shows
The way I froze
Upon hearing what you chose.
Round here, anything goes.
Patience dies, and desperation grows.
So when your eyes close
I'll recount my all time lows

And how you top them all.

I wish I had you in my lungs.
I'd blow you up, and block the sun.

You Remind Me OF A Time When We Were So Alive

2006-04-28T23:58:00.000+01:00

I'll single you out in a crowd
You're rarely the same person.
My accuracy is debatable
I'm firing so wide of the mark
I've forgotten what my aim was.
I'm so hung up on the aesthetic
It's pathetic.
With your back to me
I can make you anyone
This could be anywhere.
I'll deliver the perfect line
Just in time
For you not to hear it.
I'll fashion an X
Into the map of your skin.
Maybe you'll meet me there.
I'm lost at sea.
I'm standing behind a pane of glass.
It's all in the eyes.
We'll steal a moment
Sometime.
The seconds go by so slow.
When they ask.
We'll say it was everything we hoped for.
They'll write sonnets about this one day,
Only they'll be scrawled on the walls
And littering the streets.
This is the love of the masses.
This is romance for those with time on their hands.
We are not hard-pressed and under-dressed.
We will not flinch.
We will tear down the lamp posts'.
And feel the moonlight on our skin once more.
Come find me.
I'm standing right beside you.

'Cos when we get home
I know it won't be home at all.

With One Or Two, I Get Used To The Room...

2006-04-24T19:31:00.000+01:00

I enjoy gossip.
As you walk past me, I'm secretly writing column after column
On your propping up bars and fashion faux-pa's.
I've never met you, but from the way you carry yourself
I can tell you top the What's Not list.
In this little number, I tell you how I managed to attend P! after all.
And in that little number,
You're making me take a second glance.
Today was a day of overlooking certain flaws, to look at the bigger picture.
Like a Monet, with a tiny tear.
Only more along the lines of a girl in footless tights.
Ambition is frowned upon.
But failure is not an option.
The way I see it,
Always shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss,
You'll end up amongst the stars.

All I heard were sighs from that shotgun
That she hides so well.
So well, under that dress.
My, my, what an awful mess.

What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost...

2006-04-21T18:48:00.000+01:00

I really should give up coffee.
You'll never study your ceiling quite as much as at 5.30am when you're wide awake.
When you lie there, and you can feel your pulse vibrating in your head.
Alerting you as a new empty thought is received.

You have 1 new message
From: Your Heart
Give me reason to beat!
Save?

Oh, to be saved.
The sun has been shining a lot lately.
This is not hands in pockets, heads down weather.
This is standing tall weather.
This is who I am weather.

You have 1 new message
From: Your Eyes
Give me clarity!
Save?

I'm not going to see P! tomorrow.
I should be, but I left it to be guestlisted.
And because they're now bigger than Jesus
That's just not happening.
Clearly if the church had gone with snappy suits
Synth and string laced pop beats
And use a bit of pop-punktuation
We'd be clutching our crosses
And praying for absolution.

You have 1 new message
From: Your mouth.
I'm tired of fighting your battles.
Save?
...

Delete.
My words are all I have.

Windows shatter like dust and make
Glass streets,
And something for our feet.

Tonight, I'm Coming Home In A Coma. If It Fucking Kills Me.

2006-04-18T19:51:00.000+01:00

Tonight is not the night for lesson learning.
Tomorrow will be full of regret.
I'm sensing a pattern.
It's a good job I have a cloud of words to hide behind.
God forbid you saw the real me.
Amidst the smoke and bad ideas.
Gentlemen, take your glass in hand.
I propose a toast, to the one night stand.

Take your time.
Find your spine.
I swear you'll be just fine.

Take What You Love And Burn It Down

2006-04-17T20:35:00.000+01:00

This is just a quick few sentences.
On a few life sentances.
University starts up again.
I could sigh a few more times,
But I'm trying to cut down.
Sighing comes too easy.
5th Ave.
Never gets better.
I'll be quite happy if I never again have to bear witness to a roomful of people screaming 'CLOSING A GODDAMN DOOR!' when a month ago, they were taking down Nickelback posters from their GODDAMN DOORS.
Everybody has to start somewhere.
I just wish it wasn't so close to me.
Poignancy is overrated.
Poignancy is probably not a word.
I should probably just use this to spread the gossip.
My own burn book.
But I'm not one for self mutilation.
Though the resulting scars would probably be the deepest thing about me.
Kids;
Tonight, tell your bedroom walls all your secrets.
If the walls really do have ears, you'll finally have a captive audience.

This is the first song for your mixtape.
And it's short just like your temper.

You Look Infinite At Best

2006-04-16T02:46:00.000+01:00

I want to be responsible for you seeing yourself anew.
That brief feeling you get.
It can be brought on by anything.
You look into the mirror, your eyes framed with tears
Or sparkling with awe.
You can't explain how it feels.
Like you're truly feeling the bloodflow for the first time.
And as fleeting as it is, you know
That for a single moment
You beheld beauty.
And that is something that stays with you forever.
Nobody can explain the way they felt when they first heard their favourite song.
Or the inner glow you're left with as the credits roll the first time you saw that film.
Because these moments are never the same.
And I think that's precisely why they are beautiful.
And you know what is the really amazing thing?
truly anybody can create a thing of beauty.
It's something anybody can do, and yet there is so little.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.
It's hard to try and speak of beauty, staring at a screen at 3.03am.
Yet I have this undeniable urge to try and elicit all my thoughts on the matter
And I am so far away from being able to give them shape it depresses me.
I'm going to save these thoughts for a rainy day.
When that day comes
I'm going to lend ink to my thoughts
And cast them out to sea.
Maybe one day you'll find them.
An ink-stain in the shape of my heart and soul.
Maybe you'll understand them.
Well, better than me.

...And when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies.
Just love.

Where's The Kid With The Chemicals?

2006-04-15T02:38:00.000+01:00

It's been a couple of days.
I didn't update last night because I didn't feel like telling you the truth.
Alcohol?
I call it truth serum.
Well, alright, truth is a bit strong.
It's just, with every sip, I get closer to telling you everything you want me to and further away from meaning it.
I hurt my jaw.
Payback from the gossip.
Today was a good day.
With the sun shining, it's hard to find things to say.
If everyday was like this, there'd be no literature.
I guess that's why we have rain.
I talk about the weather too much.
It's not like it interests me.
It's just hard not to find parallels.
The new Panic! video is adjective.
You're going to be really adjective when you see it.
I verb Panic!
I aim to be broken hearted by monday.
That way, every day is a rainy day.

I gotta say that when my heart attacks,
Don't return it, it'll fire right back.

I'll Wear Your Skin As A Suit, Pretend To Be You. Your Friends Will Like You More Than They Used To...

2006-04-13T00:21:00.000+01:00

There's that feeling.
When you've had a crazy day, you lie down in bed, and you feel at ease for the first time in hours.
And you can just wrap yourself in that feeling.
I'm struggling to remember what that's like.
Do you remember when sleep came easy?
Maybe it's the caffeine.
There's this song, I think I've been writing it for years.
It comes to me every night, and I could write a thousand verses, but by morning, it's gone.
I think it's probably an intrinsic part of human life, that you must have a terrible part time job.
The weather held today, just.
It seems all I'm doing these days is kicking puddles.
Is it a horrible thing that things like people not putting clothes back on hangers after trying them on makes me want to cast fiery death upon everyone in my midst, yet world hunger, impending death from any number of causes, and the like, never even cross my mind?
If we could write down our dreams, would it make us more whole?
Tonight, I'm going to sleep clutching a pen and paper.

It's not enough to say I think about you now.
But that was all I had.

My Life Reads Like The Classifieds...

2006-04-11T23:09:00.000+01:00

I go to sleep when the birds are singing.
It rained a lot today, but I missed most of it.
I really, really wish I was good at saving money. If I have it, I immediatly need to find reasons to spend it.
Having said that,

Alex Loves the Virgin Megastores sale.

The Academy Is...- Almost Here

Dead Poetic- New Medicines

Spitalfield- Stop Doing Bad Things

For £3.99 each!
Much excitement.
I spent much of the evening in the kind of mood where everyone and everything annoys you. The type of mood that frequently comes on in crowded places, where everybody walks slow, and politness seems the most alien concept.
The rain started again when I went outside.
I didn't stop to think what that meant.
Elliptical and un-chronological narrative are so this season.
I have so much to tell you, but the words fail me.
The main thing on my mind right now, is if I should wash my hair before work tomorrow to make it nice and shiny, or rock the rugged, shaggy look its got going on right now. And how utterly shallow this is worries me.
Slightly.
Work all day tomorrow.
Makes me wish I'd acted on all those times I said I was quitting over the years.
Tonight, I hope I'm asleep before the birds sing.

These are the words that tear you apart.
And these are the words that take you away.

Even If You Die, We Saved Your Life.

2006-04-11T01:59:00.000+01:00

So the sun decided to shine.
This was good.
There's something about the sun that makes it impossible to occupy yourself indoors.
So obviously, I had to hit the town.
My friend definately deserves better re: relationships. He's such an awesome guy, and has had a fair amount of shit to deal with. I wish I could just make stuff right for him. Anyway, he seems to be doing ok.
I sleep too much. I'm sorry I didn't text you back. You were probably in my dreams.
I picked up the new Men, Women & Children. If you hear this and don't immediatly want to dance, you are not alive.
Days free of the drama are the best. Makes you kinda wonder what you're making such a big deal about most of the time.

The city never sleeps, for you & I.

Shamelessly Self-Involved...

2006-04-09T23:58:00.000+01:00

I have recently realized that I'm becoming the front I've put up all these years. It's wonderful to over-dramatize, but it seems every time I go out, I become this totally different person, the person that I joke about all the time, but convinced myself didn't really exist. I mean, it's all well and good to joke about how attractive I am, or how much better my taste in music is than yours, but lately I've been believing my own hype.
And this is not a fun road to be travelling down.
I mean, I'm a nice guy and everything, but lately I've been treating people terribly. It's not like I'm waking up filled with remorse, but I feel so detatched from some of my actions, it's like I'm watching this shitty movie, where the main character is a dick.
Oh, how wonderfully cleansed I feel now I've spilled my thoughts through my fingers.

Don't believe the hype.
Don't call this a comeback.